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He can’t sleep.
He comes to this realization a couple of hours later, or more like, he comes to terms with his brain and manages to convince himself that he’s not wrong, that he can’t sleep and no matter how much he tussles, changes position on the small couch or tries to think about happier things –things that he can’t seem to recall despite the events not being so long ago… it hasn’t been that long has it? - And happier times where he could fall asleep and actually get some real sleep.
The location doesn’t help either and with a groan that he swallows before it makes its way out of his lips, he sits up and stretches and ignores how his heart picks up quickly at his blurry vision. Everything’s dark, so dark… he contemplates on putting on his glasses and turning on the lights, maybe pace around the room for a bit and wait until morning comes but decides against it.
His neck hurts like crap and he lets out a curse slip from his lips. This one, being not so subtle on hiding, because Jay’s still sleeping on the bed next to him and the sound of his light snoring is enough to confirm his suspicions that the other male won’t be waking up any time soon and a part of him wishes he just didn’t wake up.
Would save him a lot of trouble.
Alex actually contemplates on leaving the cruddy Inn and not looking back, leave Jay behind and by the time he wakes up from the pills he took before going to bed earlier –despite Alex not-so-jokingly threatening him on killing him in his sleep and the bastard actually smiled, like it was some sort of joke! -- he’d be hopefully a couple of hours away from this place.
Still, the idea, as tempting as it is, wouldn’t work and Alex knew this much to his dismay. Jay always found a way to track him down and he’s starting to question just how much Jay actually knows and how much he’s letting on, because so far he’s been nothing but a nuisance. It’s one thing robbing for one person to get by another day, its another thing when the other doesn’t even know how to tiptoe without making his presence known.
And it’s not like he hasn’t tried that before, the ‘leaving-Jay-to-fend-for-his-own’ thing. He’s actually done it before, sometimes when he’s feeling in a better mood –usually when he hasn’t encountered the tall bastard or the one with the red eyes-- waving the food or essentials in the latter’s face and laughing when Jay gets this annoyed look on his face, and tries to say some snarky remark that dies at the back of his throat when Alex shows him the gun he holds and it’s an unspoken threat.
‘You bother me too much, I’ll shoot you and get this over with.’
But still, a small part of him, the needy one, the one that he thinks –or thought- was long gone with the slow decrease of whatever sanity of his is left, that calls—No… That begs for someone… for Jay to remain by his side. Only if it meant not having to endure all of this alone, the feeling of being watched, of not being safe.
Because holding a gun and shooting and shouting only helps him to cope with his fear. That or is either him or the poor unlucky bastard who decided to tag along, in this case, Jay, who’s sleeping in a hotel room under sleeping-pills and sharing a room with a guy who wouldn’t doubt twice about pulling the trigger and getting rid of the cause of his problems. Or at least some sort of extension to it.
Jay’s friends with Tim… the influence of the latter has begun to recently show. When Alex first encountered Jay who ran up to him and hugs him, because that’s a thing people do when you cut them off of your life for good reasons –and maybe because at the time he couldn’t handle getting more people involved, now he just wants everyone to get the tall man’s attention so maybe it’ll stop following him -- and tells him how long he’s been searching.
Alex hits him and knocks him out, leaves him on the dirty ground of a park somewhere in the night and tells himself that he doesn’t care because he’s got a migraine and he’s sure that the buzzing and static became so much more noticeable with Jay’s speaking.
Jay keeps coming up after that, despite the fact that every encounter with Alex ends up in bruises and knock outs and more nights spent restless because he’s trying to get his old friend back, to get things to the way they were and he’s playing the good guy, and Alex only knows this because Jay’s too good of a person, too easy to trust others.
And the proof of it all goes to the dedication and fruitless attempts at him getting forgotten by Alex, because he shows up and tags along and he actually offers Alex his sleeping pills but he denies them, doesn’t say a reason but Jay knows him and when he’s gone too bland to actually deny Jay’s companionship, it’s because he’s afraid to going back to being alone.
Thoughts that separate him in two and are only united by his rage over Jay, because that’s all he thinks about. Jay this and Jay that and he can’t say he worries – again, a tiny part-- when he starts coughing, but he’s more panicked about himself because that means that the tall man is near and it means they have to leave and it tells him that time’s still ticking and that the sooner he gets this over with the sooner he can go back to starting a new life.
“Hopefully one where you’re not involved.” He says to himself and loud enough for Jay to hear, even though he knows he won’t, and puts on his glasses and moves to turn on the lamp but hesitates when he reaches it, instead focusing on Jay’s sleeping form and feels as his stomach turns with something hot and he’s gripping his knuckles.
God… he looks so fucking weak, so peaceful… and Alex really can’t help but feel jealousy run through his veins. Only Jay could be so calm in this stupid situation, only he could sleep knowing what dangers await, knowing that there are two strangers that are on the look out for them, knowing that he’s sleeping in the same room as a guy who’s killed someone before and doesn’t regret shit…
Even if his peaceful state is induced by pills.
And Alex Kralie hasn’t felt this jealous or so much hatred of and for someone in a while and his fingers itch to wake him up and bruise him…. Hurt him. Show him that he shouldn’t feel safe around him, that he shouldn’t take him for granted. Because if Jay didn’t take him as a menace, then who would? And if that’s the case then those two other assholes won’t be intimidated by him, whether he points a gun or an axe to their head.
Even when he crawls into the bed and in the dark room –not so dark anymore after his vision adjusted-- hears and sees the bed creak under the new weight, and his breathing halts for a tiny fraction but he comes to realize that he doesn’t care whether Jay wakes up or not.
That he’s looming over Jay’s body and that he’s so close that Jay’s breathing actually hits him and he’s sure that it’s so quiet he’s positive he can hear Jay’s heartbeat –or is it his?—and his hands wrap around Jay’s cold throat and doesn’t do anything… he just stays there.
He could end everything right here, right now, after all… what’s another death if it means that he can end all of this.
Alex can hear an imaginary ticking, that counts away the seconds that go by, and Jay still hasn’t moved nor notices the hands on his throat and this is an advantage he currently has… but his hands, they don’t dare squeeze.
“Shit.” He hisses out, retracts his hands from Jay’s throat and sits down besides the form who stirs and turns to face the other side and Alex’s left alone and awake in a room that’s too dark, smells like sweat and shit and makes him feel like he’s being watched.
And is it him or is it incredible hot in the room all of the sudden?
He runs a hand through his hair and lays his head back on the cold wall, a small thud that sounds too loud in the otherwise quiet room and breathes heavy and deeply an after a couple of minutes of silence he curses again.
And again, until he’s calmed down and he knows that Jay still hasn’t woken up, he brings his knees up to his chest and buries his head in the small space and sighs.
He… he can’t do it… not now. He’s afraid of being alone, of being left to deal with the loss of memory, of waking up coated in blood and lost and afraid and sometimes dream of things that he doesn’t recall ever doing – and that’s only when sleep comes by and gives him the pleasure of actually sleeping and having dreams that usually woke him up cold-sweated and scared for hours on end—and through clenched teeth he mutters and curses.
Because if he’s going to be finishing all of this, once and for all, he might as well have someone who knows what’s going on… or at least has some sort of clue. Jay’s been pretty exigent on getting him to reunite with Tim, he thinks everything can and will go back to normal if the three of them try to fix this whole mess together.
A small tugs at the corner of his lips, and it’s enough and something small that keeps him from bursting out laughing.
He might taint the path red and dirty his hands with blood. Get rid of those whose faults are that this stuff is happening to him… and Jay-- Jay’s one of those people. But not now… No. He’d wait until there’s no one left and finally get rid of Jay… when his company is no longer required and he doesn’t prove useful anymore, definitely.
He thinks that maybe he’d take up on Jay’s offer for sleeping pills, but that’s only after he’s done with everything and tries to start a new life. One where Jay isn’t involved.
He comes to this realization a couple of hours later, or more like, he comes to terms with his brain and manages to convince himself that he’s not wrong, that he can’t sleep and no matter how much he tussles, changes position on the small couch or tries to think about happier things –things that he can’t seem to recall despite the events not being so long ago… it hasn’t been that long has it? - And happier times where he could fall asleep and actually get some real sleep.
The location doesn’t help either and with a groan that he swallows before it makes its way out of his lips, he sits up and stretches and ignores how his heart picks up quickly at his blurry vision. Everything’s dark, so dark… he contemplates on putting on his glasses and turning on the lights, maybe pace around the room for a bit and wait until morning comes but decides against it.
His neck hurts like crap and he lets out a curse slip from his lips. This one, being not so subtle on hiding, because Jay’s still sleeping on the bed next to him and the sound of his light snoring is enough to confirm his suspicions that the other male won’t be waking up any time soon and a part of him wishes he just didn’t wake up.
Would save him a lot of trouble.
Alex actually contemplates on leaving the cruddy Inn and not looking back, leave Jay behind and by the time he wakes up from the pills he took before going to bed earlier –despite Alex not-so-jokingly threatening him on killing him in his sleep and the bastard actually smiled, like it was some sort of joke! -- he’d be hopefully a couple of hours away from this place.
Still, the idea, as tempting as it is, wouldn’t work and Alex knew this much to his dismay. Jay always found a way to track him down and he’s starting to question just how much Jay actually knows and how much he’s letting on, because so far he’s been nothing but a nuisance. It’s one thing robbing for one person to get by another day, its another thing when the other doesn’t even know how to tiptoe without making his presence known.
And it’s not like he hasn’t tried that before, the ‘leaving-Jay-to-fend-for-his-own’ thing. He’s actually done it before, sometimes when he’s feeling in a better mood –usually when he hasn’t encountered the tall bastard or the one with the red eyes-- waving the food or essentials in the latter’s face and laughing when Jay gets this annoyed look on his face, and tries to say some snarky remark that dies at the back of his throat when Alex shows him the gun he holds and it’s an unspoken threat.
‘You bother me too much, I’ll shoot you and get this over with.’
But still, a small part of him, the needy one, the one that he thinks –or thought- was long gone with the slow decrease of whatever sanity of his is left, that calls—No… That begs for someone… for Jay to remain by his side. Only if it meant not having to endure all of this alone, the feeling of being watched, of not being safe.
Because holding a gun and shooting and shouting only helps him to cope with his fear. That or is either him or the poor unlucky bastard who decided to tag along, in this case, Jay, who’s sleeping in a hotel room under sleeping-pills and sharing a room with a guy who wouldn’t doubt twice about pulling the trigger and getting rid of the cause of his problems. Or at least some sort of extension to it.
Jay’s friends with Tim… the influence of the latter has begun to recently show. When Alex first encountered Jay who ran up to him and hugs him, because that’s a thing people do when you cut them off of your life for good reasons –and maybe because at the time he couldn’t handle getting more people involved, now he just wants everyone to get the tall man’s attention so maybe it’ll stop following him -- and tells him how long he’s been searching.
Alex hits him and knocks him out, leaves him on the dirty ground of a park somewhere in the night and tells himself that he doesn’t care because he’s got a migraine and he’s sure that the buzzing and static became so much more noticeable with Jay’s speaking.
Jay keeps coming up after that, despite the fact that every encounter with Alex ends up in bruises and knock outs and more nights spent restless because he’s trying to get his old friend back, to get things to the way they were and he’s playing the good guy, and Alex only knows this because Jay’s too good of a person, too easy to trust others.
And the proof of it all goes to the dedication and fruitless attempts at him getting forgotten by Alex, because he shows up and tags along and he actually offers Alex his sleeping pills but he denies them, doesn’t say a reason but Jay knows him and when he’s gone too bland to actually deny Jay’s companionship, it’s because he’s afraid to going back to being alone.
Thoughts that separate him in two and are only united by his rage over Jay, because that’s all he thinks about. Jay this and Jay that and he can’t say he worries – again, a tiny part-- when he starts coughing, but he’s more panicked about himself because that means that the tall man is near and it means they have to leave and it tells him that time’s still ticking and that the sooner he gets this over with the sooner he can go back to starting a new life.
“Hopefully one where you’re not involved.” He says to himself and loud enough for Jay to hear, even though he knows he won’t, and puts on his glasses and moves to turn on the lamp but hesitates when he reaches it, instead focusing on Jay’s sleeping form and feels as his stomach turns with something hot and he’s gripping his knuckles.
God… he looks so fucking weak, so peaceful… and Alex really can’t help but feel jealousy run through his veins. Only Jay could be so calm in this stupid situation, only he could sleep knowing what dangers await, knowing that there are two strangers that are on the look out for them, knowing that he’s sleeping in the same room as a guy who’s killed someone before and doesn’t regret shit…
Even if his peaceful state is induced by pills.
And Alex Kralie hasn’t felt this jealous or so much hatred of and for someone in a while and his fingers itch to wake him up and bruise him…. Hurt him. Show him that he shouldn’t feel safe around him, that he shouldn’t take him for granted. Because if Jay didn’t take him as a menace, then who would? And if that’s the case then those two other assholes won’t be intimidated by him, whether he points a gun or an axe to their head.
Even when he crawls into the bed and in the dark room –not so dark anymore after his vision adjusted-- hears and sees the bed creak under the new weight, and his breathing halts for a tiny fraction but he comes to realize that he doesn’t care whether Jay wakes up or not.
That he’s looming over Jay’s body and that he’s so close that Jay’s breathing actually hits him and he’s sure that it’s so quiet he’s positive he can hear Jay’s heartbeat –or is it his?—and his hands wrap around Jay’s cold throat and doesn’t do anything… he just stays there.
He could end everything right here, right now, after all… what’s another death if it means that he can end all of this.
Alex can hear an imaginary ticking, that counts away the seconds that go by, and Jay still hasn’t moved nor notices the hands on his throat and this is an advantage he currently has… but his hands, they don’t dare squeeze.
“Shit.” He hisses out, retracts his hands from Jay’s throat and sits down besides the form who stirs and turns to face the other side and Alex’s left alone and awake in a room that’s too dark, smells like sweat and shit and makes him feel like he’s being watched.
And is it him or is it incredible hot in the room all of the sudden?
He runs a hand through his hair and lays his head back on the cold wall, a small thud that sounds too loud in the otherwise quiet room and breathes heavy and deeply an after a couple of minutes of silence he curses again.
And again, until he’s calmed down and he knows that Jay still hasn’t woken up, he brings his knees up to his chest and buries his head in the small space and sighs.
He… he can’t do it… not now. He’s afraid of being alone, of being left to deal with the loss of memory, of waking up coated in blood and lost and afraid and sometimes dream of things that he doesn’t recall ever doing – and that’s only when sleep comes by and gives him the pleasure of actually sleeping and having dreams that usually woke him up cold-sweated and scared for hours on end—and through clenched teeth he mutters and curses.
Because if he’s going to be finishing all of this, once and for all, he might as well have someone who knows what’s going on… or at least has some sort of clue. Jay’s been pretty exigent on getting him to reunite with Tim, he thinks everything can and will go back to normal if the three of them try to fix this whole mess together.
A small tugs at the corner of his lips, and it’s enough and something small that keeps him from bursting out laughing.
He might taint the path red and dirty his hands with blood. Get rid of those whose faults are that this stuff is happening to him… and Jay-- Jay’s one of those people. But not now… No. He’d wait until there’s no one left and finally get rid of Jay… when his company is no longer required and he doesn’t prove useful anymore, definitely.
He thinks that maybe he’d take up on Jay’s offer for sleeping pills, but that’s only after he’s done with everything and tries to start a new life. One where Jay isn’t involved.
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I swear I'll write the next chapter for Behind Doors after this week.
I forgot this week is exams-full and Im tired of studying.
Ugh.
Some Jaylex, a prompt sent on my tumblr which I liked too much to not post here.
I should write more Marble Hornets. And not reader inserts on it, like ships.
Tumblr prompt: crystallizedinsomniac.tumblr.c…
Writing belongs to Me.
I forgot this week is exams-full and Im tired of studying.
Ugh.
Some Jaylex, a prompt sent on my tumblr which I liked too much to not post here.
I should write more Marble Hornets. And not reader inserts on it, like ships.
Tumblr prompt: crystallizedinsomniac.tumblr.c…
Writing belongs to Me.
© 2015 - 2024 PrincessSakura1221
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